Engaging, My Enemy My Hope

I wrote this poem at 5:30 in the morning one morning last week when I could not sleep. It is rooted in place that God has been taking my soul in the last few weeks and I am currently there. What God was teaching me that resulted in this poem is the foundation for my sermon last week.

Here is the deal with it. This is a really frustrating thing about the Christian Condition, we never ever get there. We will always and forever be wrestling with our flesh. Paul says in Romans 7, "I do not do what I want but I do what I hate." Can I be completely honest and say that I absolutely hate that?

I know what I want to do, but I do not do it. That drives me crazy. More than anything in the world I want to have a deep intimacy with God, I want to be everything in the world to by bride that God is calling me to, I want to be everything in the world to my kids that God is calling me to be and I want to be the sort of pastor that God is calling me to be for North Church.

But I do not do what I want but I do what I hate.

What is the take away from this for you who are reading this? I think that it is two things. First, if you are not aware of the battle that rages within you for the affection of your soul then you really need to wake up and pay attention. Second, if you are aware of it and it paralyzes you or makes you walk around this life melancholy; know that you are no different that me or the apostle Paul or any other Christian to walk this earth.

So I offer this poem that God gave to me again. Read it and know that it is true and will always be true.

Like a wandering soul in the night, looking for light, looking for happiness, looking for peace.
Like a wandering soul in the night; searching in the darkness for light where there is no light to be found.
Like a wandering soul in the night; looking for light and unaware of enemies to my quest.
Like a wandering soul in the night, walking back into the same pit, falling again and again.

I look to things that cannot hold light, only reflect it.
I look to things that reflect light as my enemies.
I engage in battles with them.
My enemy laughs at my ignorance and glories in my torment.

But I call to mind your truth and hope returns.
Like a lost friend long forgotten.
Like a lost slipper whose form remains.
Like a warm bed on a cold night.
Like a soft lover after time away.

You oh Lord are my hope, Satan is my enemy.
You offer peace and community.
You inclined your ear and heard my cry.
Your thoughts to me and your deeds never failed.

Satan glories in my torment.
He laughs at my loneliness.
He plots my pain in moments.
He seeks after the temporary.

Fleeting are his deeds,
Given is his power,
Taken is his glory,
Empty is his reality.

Real is my pain, but only for the moment,
for the Lord is the victor.