Maybe the most important thing I have written

I just had my 40th birthday last week. Birthdays are hard days for me because they magnify the battle between my flesh and my spirit. Some back story is needed to convey what God has placed on my heart.

Rex Alexander was my youth minister in high school. He was and is a great man of God. The thing that made me admire him so much was that he lived a life where he died to himself. In his marriage, his ministry, the way he interacted with everyone, he was more concerned about them than himself.

It was in high school that God began getting my attention about a life given to pastoral ministry. It was Rex and his dying to himself that led to this. Successful life and successful ministry were dependant upon grasping and living out this idea.

Fast forward many years to a conversation I had a few years ago with a close friend. He was working as an assistant to Darrin Patrick, who is the pastor The Journey in St. Louis. My friend said that on of the reasons for the success of The Journey and that men flocked to Darrin to be discipled was that Darrin had figured out how to die to himself.

That statement has rung in my head and when he said it I was reminded of Rex who God had used to woo me with the same notion 20 years prior.

That is the back story and leads me to this. There are a few things that I want more than anything for my life. Sometimes I don’t act like I want these things, but ultimately, there is nothing that I want more than these things and when I pursue things that are contrary to these things, I am disgusted with myself.

So more than anything I want first to know Christ in the most intimate way. Secondly, I want to be the husband to my wife that she deserves because of who she is in Christ and model Christ to her in a tangible way by laying down my life as I am called to in Ephesians 5. Third, I want to shepherd my kids to the gospel and be a model of Christ to them and remind them of the love of Jesus in a practical way. And lastly, I want to lead North Church in such a way that its people see the beauty of death to self and the joy that comes from it so that they are inspired or compelled to practice this sort of humility.

So back to the context of my recent birthday; our culture wants to make much of people on their birthdays. I find nothing wrong with celebrating a person on the birthday, I do not mean to convey that or to try to get you change the way that you celebrate a person on their birthday. But for me, as I wrestle with this death to self sort of humility, I was in deep conflict.

In one corner of my soul was death to self that was the known way to what I want from my life. In the other corner of my soul was a desire for everyone to cater to me and celebrate me on this day. Ultimately these are two very self centered ideas. It is obvious that wanting everyone to make much of me and celebrate me is a self centered idea. But it is an idea runs against the laws and plans of God.

But really this idea of death to self is a self centered idea as well. It is the way that leads to everything that I want out of life. It leads to intimacy with Jesus, beautiful relationship with my wife, kids that love Jesus and love the gospel and a thriving church to lead.

Take a look at Philippians 2:3-8. Pray through it, chew on each word, meditate on it. Here in these words are the secrets to joy and purpose. Taste of them and see that the Lord is good. Place your faith in these words, trust that God has your very best interest in mind. Surrender to these words and their ability to bring you Jesus.